Love in the Little Things
I laugh every Christmas season at the seasonal luxury car commercials. If you believe them, they’ll tell you that their car is the perfect surprise gift for your spouse! Every time, the clearly upper (upper!) middle class fellow pulls up in the driveway with a brand new name brand luxury car with a giant red bow on top. His partner comes out in her Christmas pajamas with all smiles to receive the keys to her new sleigh. As the commercial reaches it peak, the camera angle changes to reveal a matching SUV from the same name brand company just slightly behind this giant stocking stuffer.
I’m sure they’re out there, but I have yet to meet anyone for whom surprising their partner with an $80,000 car was a good idea, even if they could afford it.
This is another example of the grand gesture of love that we swoon over in western culture.
We memorialize these fictional, over-the-top expressions of affection in media and books. They represent the climax of the romantic comedy where the lifelong best friends finally decide they are in fact in love or on the last page in a book where the hero sweeps his lady off her feet and they ride into the sunset.
According to these narratives, love is best expressed in extreme fashion — buying lavish gifts, over the top gestures, or heightened moments of clarity where the stars finally align! It’s sparing no expense. It’s marching bands playing. It’s interrupting a public event to declare your love.
These only last for a moment and they hardly cost the equivalent of true love. With money, time, creativity, or even just a dedicated wing man, you can pull of this off once or twice. Entire industries focus one helping people spend exorbitant amounts of money on love. What happens when the dust settles? When the moment passes? When the thrill of the show fades? When the first car payment comes due?
Hopefully, authentic love remains, and in my experience, it lasts in the little things — in presence, attentiveness, thoughtfulness, kindness, service, patience, and forgiveness.
It’s remembering birthdays and special occasions, or better yet, checking in on the days you know are going to be hard.
It’s putting your phone away and genuinely asking about their day.
It’s sharing a meal and doing the dishes.
It’s small acts of kindness and service that on the surface aren’t worth telling in the next blockbuster. They may seem insignificant to the outside world. But it’s these little things that show others that they are known, they are seen, and they are loved.
The Apostle Paul captures so well the heart of love in 1 Corinthians 13, and his list does not mention parades or lavish gifts. In his description of love, it is something that persists and continues to show up when there’s nothing to be gained and no one else watching. That is love, and it can most often be found in the cumulative effect of 1,000 little things.
